Relationship II

Assalamualaikum

Kita continue wat i left last nite. Today i didnt go to work. Now i m in kg. My mama sakit. Fenin fala la. Along suh aku stay in kg but wat abt my job? Does he think my bos Ms Ho will approve my unpaid leave for 2 mths? Aku takut nti dia kasi 24 hrs notice plak nti. How? Does he think the company will pay me compensate or at least gratuity like wat they pay 2 other people last time? Do u think so? I really dont think so. Yes i do love my mama but i have my kids too. I have my own life. I know i can take care of her but how abt my future? Can somebody help me?This is big sacrifice. I have to think deeply.

Again about relationship, chapter 1, my exhubby. I think it is more abt desperation to have somebody permenantly. Who can take care of me, protect me.... After what i have been thru before that. With the bad experience, i consider him to be my husband eventough my sis totally disagree due to our differences of level of working. He is only an office boy with SPA cert only and me an executive level with a diploma. For me marriage is not abt level of differences but how you reconcile the differences. Cooperation between two difference person. And that what i found in my 2nd marriage. I learn a lot from my second marriage. But when i really comfortable with the cooperation and reconciliation of the marriage, it ends. But well, it is up to the couple actually. I miss arwah too much.

Back to chapter 1, my exhubby. Dia ni pendendam sgt. Terlalu sampaikan tak mengaku abang due to some mistake his brother did and dia pun tak ngaku bapak due to dendam dr kecik. Bapak dia suka pukul famili dia. Aku tak realize masa aku kawin tu, famili dia semua takut kat dia. Once dia tak suka, semua lari. Nape la aku tak nampak. Maybe betul la love is blind. Tak nampak semua tu. Dendam, paling bahaya. Itu aku belajar dr this marriage.

Chapter 2, 2nd marriage. Thinking abt arwah, he is the better. I mean better than 1st hubby. At least he help me a lot doing house work since he only go to work if he received calls from call centre. After i gv birth to my 2nd girl, for him is his 1st baby, i ask for a maid. He totally disagree until the end. And he promise me to help me to do house work and he did keep his promise. What i learn most from this marriage is always think positively. He will ignore what people talk abt him. He totally ignore. He dont care what people say abt him. Whether in front of him or behind his back. First few years is the year i learn abt him. Arguement, gaduh, merajuk takde dlm buku dia. Merajuk, duduk la situ sampai kau sendiri ok. Gaduh, kau pk la sendiri apa salah aku atau apa salah kau. At last aku fed up je. Like him aku try to give my full cooperation and always think positively. Ye la bila merajuk, he wont persuade me. Lastly aku ok sendiri. Bila dia membebel, aku diam je la. He sometimes like woman gak. Suka membebel abt work, friends etc. Itu tak kena, ini tak kena. Like semua dia bagus la. Well, aku biar je la dia meluah perasaan.

Dia mmg suka delay keje but no human is perfect. The one time yang aku paling tak bleh lupakan tu masa dia kat hospital. Dia nk gak aku ada sebelah dia. Aku tak de je, sure dia panggil. Habis semua nurse dia marah. Waiting for him, feeding him, taking care of him...aku puashati. Cuma yang aku tak puashati is when the nurse tak dapat call aku masa dia hembuskan nafas terakhir. Dr sehelai report ke sehelai report yang lain, no hp aku dh jadi lain. Gila! Really gila! Itu pun nasib baik ada no hp abg ipar aku. Dpt jugak nurse call dia. Dan dia la yg call aku suruh pegi hospital immediately but when i reach there, he is gone already. But aku puashati sbb aku berada kat situ tiap2 hari. Looking at him masa last2 tu, aku mcm berat nk tinggal kan dia. But due to my kids mcm tak nk berenggang dgn aku that nite, aku terpaksa balik jugak. Hati mmg berat nk balik tp mlm tu mmg anak2 tak nak berenggang dgn aku.

Hati ni dah bersedia dr dulu for this kind of situation. But this is too soon, terkejut aku. Sebelum ni pun dia sakit 2 bulan, masa tu aku pregnant to my 3rd girl. But he recover after i gv birth. I dont expect he passed away this soon. he is a tough guy and dia memberontak nk balik during the treatment. I know he is scared. Aku lagi la takut. Hati ni semakin hari semakin merelakan dia pergi. Always aku doakan semoga dia bersama org2 yang beriman. Amin!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 3, life after he left me. Well, like other people said. Life has to go on. I am moving on. Some people said i m moving too fast, some say congrates. Hhhhmmm...i m scared actually. Tau je la kalu dah dpt title janda or ibu tunggal ni. Mcm2 tohmahan akan dilemparkan. Niat aku nk kawan je tp disalahertikan. Ingat aku ni kehausan la, kesunyian la. Huh! U r wrong Mr Sam!

T gak paling best. Anytime anyday. If he got time, he will company me. He is a very kind person and every in the office like and respect him. What ever the problem he will fix it. Lagipun mmg dia je yang bleh buat coz dia sorang je IT expert there n his bos. Sure bos tak layan kes2 kecik ni. Lately he is ttooooo bz to company me to dinner. Sian aku. But well, everybody got their own problem. Aku pun tak kacau dia la. Sebelum ni dia la tempat aku meluah perasaan. Apa je sure dia bagi advise as a friend shud do. Any problem he sure be there for you. But this guy suka tido awal. Hihihi....Letih sgt running around the office. Kesian kau T.

Chapter 4, met new friends. One of my friend i met lately is Mel. He is also a good person. Dh lama aku kenal but only on the phone. I only agree to go out with him this past few months. Just to let out a piece of my mind a bit from my problem and he is a very good listener. Being his friend, buat aku lega skit. Let it out, what ever in my head. The truth is i still cant concentrate to work. I do my work but not 100% toward my work. Still di awang2an. Dont know what to do. Sembahyang, doa....maybe blom cukup lagi kot.

Mcm2 dlm kepala ni nk buat tp tak tau mana satu nk start. I have to prepare myself for future. Mana tau bos aku dh muak kat aku tetiba hentikan aku. This year tahun bermasalah utk aku. Byk amik cuti. Arwah passed away, my mama sakit. Letih la...

All of the above is part of my life. But in between i have a lots of good friends also which i will tell u all later, if i got mood la. Heheh...tak de idea nk tulis. Honestly i m not looking for new husband in this near future but only a friend. Just maybe to listen, help me etc.

Gudnite all!

Relationship....

Assalamualaikum

Tension nye aku!!!!!!!!!!!

Baru aku nk publish post yang aku taip dr kul 10.30 tadi, hilang entah ke mana. Isk tension nye. Idea bukan main mencurah2. Hilang sekelip mata because aku tertekan butang enter 2 kali. nak cari balik taktau kat mana. Well, camne ni. Mata pun belum ngantuk. Ye la. Makan je ubat, tido. Pas makan ubat, tido. Itu keje aku this 2 days.

Well actually tadi aku cerita pasal relationship aku dgn hubby n boyfrens. But now i m sleepy already!

Talk to u soon

Monday 20 July 2009

Today me went to work a bit early. Coz plan to get my wiwi a good bath after long time since me cant remember when. Htr my girls ke rumah mamanye around 6.50am. Me drove to Petronas Station Bkt Antarabangsa to fill up petrol. Dh merah la cik kak. Takut nti tgh2 jln enjin mati lak. Sapa nk nolong pepagi. Everybody is rushing to work. Then me shoot to work. Owh ya my wiwi need a bath. Me too her to Petronas Station near Elevated Highway Ampang. After 20 min, done. Kira ok la. Pay RM10 then off to work. Today tak makan heavy la coz smlm dh makan byk. So me bought papaya je.

Around 9am perut mula meragam lak. Aduih nape ni...Ke toilet 3-4 kali dr kul 9am until 12pm. Perut lak keroncong lapar coz semua dh keluar. Nape ntah perut ni sakit. or maybe coz of papaya pepagi ke...ntah la. Call Mel. Seems bz lak dia hari ni. He called this morning but me were at the toilet. Malu la....

N today some news make me very sad. Encik Mohd from arwah's bos called abt company insurance money that me hv been waiting quite long time already. They all janji 4-6 wks je but now its more than 2 mths plus. Me really hope for it to pay a few debts that we have. At least release my burden a bit la so that me can move on n adjust my income a bit better. Now dgn gaji & pencen, bleh la makan. Blom sampai tahap tak bleh makan. Cuma tak bleh lebih2 belanja n cant help anybody else include my mom. Not for the time being. Sorry everybody. Sorry mama...me will help u soonest i get the money. Me know mama is renovating her house.

Encik Mohd said that the insurance money delayed due to ING havent received hospital bill from Damai Hospital. Aiyak...ye ke...Pelik plak. He suggest me called Damai. Immediately me called the hospital regards the issue n u all know what....the bill has been paid long time already. And today ING called abt any other outstanding bill. Bengong kan...Arwah is dead. Mana ada rawatan susulan. Giler.......Saje la nk delay. Time mintak company pay, desak2 suruh baya cepat. Tp utk dia refund balik memanjang alasan.

Me called En Mohd again abt it n complain to him wit tears in my eyes. Laju je. Berapa dpt pun me tak kisah. At least something for my girls. He promise to look immediately regards this issue. That day me talk to upper level bos Encik Noorizan n beg him to ask the company to absord the hospital bills n to refund me all the insurance money so that can help me n the kids. At least dpt baya rumah skit pun ok la. Lega skit me.

Balik umah perut still sakit. Me dont dare to take spicy food. Sampai umah kul 6pm me continue to pack the sample. Lupa lagi me nk angkat sample yg ada kat dlm bonet my wiwi. Kan last sun pegi amik. Jam dh kul 7.45pm. Me finish a few n take shower. Nk pick up my girls. Lambat2 kang kesian my bbsitter. Balik umah me were tired but need to pack all the sample until i manage to finish it by 9pm.

Alamak my wifi streamyx buat hal la plak. Called my dear Ah Soon abt it. He also cant do anything abt it. As usual la Ah Soon. Dok begger2 until me hv to call the technical line. Jgn la jadi lagi camni....Then automatik dgn sendirinya jadi ok. Maybe Telekom reset kat tempat dia kot. Me sambung la update here. This time no pic ok. Me pun tak tau nk letak pic apa. Sorry if it is bored...Tata..me nk tido dulu. Ibunda undur diri until next post k.

Macam2.....

Assalamualaikum!


19 July 2009. Today i did something bad. Me mean as a mother la. Last nite me update here until 2am plus. Tido dh lambat, bgn pun lambat arr....I woke up around 7.30am coz T need susu. Really tak sedar. Langsung tak sedar. Then me bleh terlelap plak. Isk..isk..isk..


Jam menunjukkan kul 10am. Apa lagi terus me bangun bagaki lipas kudung la..Betul ke perumpamaan tuh? Well lepas mandi me buat susu utk K n T pun dh bangun terus me mandikan dia. Pakai kan baju, pegi dapur. Adusss....kecah nye dapur. Me tak basuh periuk belanga buat kek smlm. Tired n too sleepy last nite. Well me basuh apa yg patut n start on cooking for cake topping. Susu pekat, marjerin n koko. For my choc cake....became so big. So i hv to cut it to small round cake to fit in the plastic pack that i bought yesterday. Nvm la. Tak cantik pun takpe. At least me honestly dh niat nk kasi kat dia. C the pic n u all can comment abt it.

Shoot to ampang to Saleha's house, 11.45am already. Me promise her to be there around 11.30am. But then better late than never. Sampai kat area situ, park penuh la. Ye la kat area situ ada 2 kenduri. Jalan sempit skit. Sampai sana my adik tersayang (hubby saleha) ada kat situ menyambut kakak dia ni. Gv him the cake yg tak seberapa, then i saw my dearest Saleha. Bz wit melayan peeps, me n girls go to find seats. Waiting peeps to clear the buffet table, i ask Saleha to take some food for us. Ye la my girls kan tau je la. Tak nak duduk langsung. Tak bleh tinggal. Tgh2 melayan makan my girls, my colleague Zai with her beauty girl Batrisya sampai. Zai dtg dgn famili kak cik dia yg sarat ngandung anak ntah no brp. Me never ask abt it. Maybe too bz wit my girls. At least ada org kat our table. Tak la sunyi sgt me. Suasana masa tu blom ramai lagi. Everything seems sederhana je. If me know it wud be like this, me wud come n help out. Ramai neighbour dia dtg. Kalangan org2 tua je. Mcm sembang kat kedai kopi plak. Mcm2 issue me dgr. Gamaknya kalu arwah ada gini la kot hari tua dia nti. Me miss him very much. Seeing couples come tak kira muda atau tua, berdua2an dgn anak2 yg sorang dua or maybe more. Ada yg kecik, ada yg dh grow up jadi anak teruna dan dara. Me so sad thinking abt it. Tak bleh ni, tak bleh lama ni. Mmmm....duk situ melayan anak2 n c gelagat other people, me got really sad. Jom la balik girls. Me were there abt 45min n u all know la my girls. Well me ada hal lain pun. Need to pick pun sample biskut raya utk jualan tahun ni. Mula2 tak nak buat coz takde modal. Like last yr arwah ada so he can cover my expenses. but then when me talk to Kak Mas (tuan punye cookies) abt this, she said its ok to paid later. She mean that pay her back after me collect all the money for the order la. Thank you Allah. Amin. At least me ada duit lebih utk balik raya. Me dah pack a few. Utk distribution next week. Next weeek dh kena distribute. In Aug Kak mas dh tak terima order lagi dah. Sebelum balik tu jumpa Saleha skali lagi peluk cium dulu la. Bff me mana bleh tinggalkan camtu je. Kena la jumpa la dulu. Bg seposen dua, hihi...Mama nye bz wit other peeps so me kim salam je la.

After pick up samples, we went to Kak katy's house. She is my ex neighbour. Like my real kakak dh pun. Anak2 dia pun dh very close to me. Dulu dia jaga sekejap my LJ masa me duk situ in 2002. Lepak situ dr kul 1 lebih sampai la kul 3.30. Me order dominos pizza, makan2 ramai2 dgn anak2 diorang. My girls dh ngantuk kot, T dh ngamuk2. Dh boring main2 la tu. Tau je la. Nk nenen la. Segan la me depan hubby kak katy, abg sharif. So me minta diri dulu la. In the car they all sleep. Aduih camne nk angkat nti.


Sampai umah, mandi & buat susu, semua dh lentuk include me gak. So duzzzz.....Sampai la kul 5.30 somebody knock on the door. Kacau tul la. Anak jiran nk main dgn my girls. Me open the door n ask her to come a bit later. Me woke up n mandi n also the girls. I remember i need to go to the bank to pay my car loan. Lupa la. My money dh makin kering ni. How...Nxt week plan to go somewhere plak tuh. So after mandi around kul 6.30pm we went out. K plak lapa. So went around cari nasi lemak, fav K. Takde la plak. So ended up buy nasi ayam for her. Ok la at least ada nasi for her n T.


At nite around 9.30pm after dinner, me finishing packing samples so that by next week i must distribute already. I warn K & T dont disturb bunda k, bunda nk buat keje. While i was packing, K kata nk makan lagi. Lapa katanya. Ok la. Bagi je la. Dh dia nk makan. U know kids, ada masa nk makan ada masa tak nak makan. While she eating, T plak sebuk nye nk makan sama. As a good sister, K suap kan T. Aduih...terharu aku. Pandai nye anak bunda. Dh besar rupanya anak bunda kan. Sian my girls. Patuh pada kata bunda. Tak nk kacau bunda, K suap nasi ayam kat T. Wpun skit2 but masuk gak la mulut. 'Jgn tumpahkan...' and u all know what...not a single rice on the floor. Buat mcm adults suap. Suap siap tadah dgn tangan satu lagi. Alhamdulillah....

Well guys, anybody out there nk order biskut raya, please drop a line. Until next post....

Chapter 4 - Today's News

Assalamualaikum

Hari ni me nk cerita pasal current stories...

Today me bangun subuh kul 7.05am. Subuh gajah beb. Apa la nk jadi kat me ni but u all know la last nite me posting sampai kul 2am. Pastu lelap sampai la alarm bunyi pun tutup balik terus selimut diri...zzz.....sedar2 dh 7.05am..hihi...

Kul 8.30am my darling T kejutkan nk nenen. Yes, umur dah 1yr 6mth old pun masih netek. Isi dh kurang tp saje dia nk letak mulut kat situ. At least bila me sedar matahari dh tinggi, cepat2 bgn do things me suppose to do. Mandi, masak, jemur kain n bath my girls in between. Tgk2 dh kul 11am, me habis lipat kain cari my girls dh sleep in front of tv. Ermmm...sian plak..me pun tumpang skali coz qada smlm punye.

Kul 4 after dh lunch me got an idea 2 take my girls out 2 buy things to make a choc cake for tomolo. My bff Saleha's sister wedding. Me tak tau nk buat apa melainkan tu je yg buat masa ni me terrer. Cewwaaahhh... masuk lift tekan sendiri. Buat choc cup cake pun best kan. In the mean time, my neigh's daughter ketuk pintu nk main dgn mt girls. Me bg dia masuk la. Biar dia main kejap. Sambil2 tu me jenguk kat akak rinnchan punye fotopage. Nengok2 recipe yg me bleh guna pakai. Finish do list of things to buy, me sms my dearest friend Mel. Mana tau kot2 dia nk ikut ke. At least somebody bleh drive me n help me. U all know what...last time i went to shops groceries wit my 2 girls, panas hati me dgn diorang. Sorang nk tu, sorang nk ni. Penin.

Lucky me he called me back n say yes. We went to Kedai Bagus kat tmn melawati. Semua ada kat situ. Apa nk, semua ada tp me tak lama kat situ coz still a lot of things to buy. Then we went to Giant Batu Caves to shops some things n Mel just follow us around. Sian dia jadi pak supir cum bodyguard cum balaci me hari ni. Pas shops me ajak g foodcourt yg ada tempat main tuh, nk bg my girls main kat situ tp ramai org. But then they excited dh nk pegi main, i let K pegi. K plak kalu ramai sgt org dia lak jd pemalu. Mula asyik manggil me. T plak nk main mcm la dia tu org besar. Ni tak bleh jadi ni. Takut jadi mcm peristiwa kat KLCC park where T jatuh dr tempat main tuh. Nti la me ceita one day. K plak ngadu ramai org tolak dia. Well, this is not a suitable palce for u la K. Me ajak diorang pegi Mcd la. A bit small playground. Better for K & T.

Coming out from foodocurt Mel tgh borak dgn 1 chinese man selling perfume. Ended up Mel beli 2. 1 for him and 1 for me. Dia percaya sgt kat that guy this is a bisex perfume. We then move to NSK kat Wmaju to buy bekas2 for my cupcakes & biskut utk raya. K plak dh boring rasanya, dia mcm merajuk. Mel ask me ke mana arah lagi? Me tot, ok la we go jln2 la. We just drove along MRR2 until we reached bkt jalil n u there pack of cars which me think they all went to c MU played against Mesia's team.

We drove until Putrajaya n went around coz Mel tak tahu jln (tu la sombong...kata tau jalan). We actually want to go to Dataran Putrajaya kat sebelah masjid tu kan. Ada fountain kat situ kan. Ended up we went few round thru Alamanda until finaly i take charge of the road. Hihi....reached there dh dekat kul 8. Cepatnye masa berlalu.

Me lepaskan my girls kat situ. K so excited n T pun apa lagi bila nengok her sis running around. But when we went near to the fountain, there is a lot of lubang2 mcm suppose to be fill up with water kan. Ada yg ada, ada yg takde. Heran me but i tot maybe takut budak2 jatuh kat dlm tu kot.

Ramai gak bwk anak2 ke sana. Ada yg siap bwk walker n let their babies walk there. Bagus gak idea tusss..Mcm2 kan tp for me, tak suka la babies berembun. Me mean below 1yr old la. Ada gak yg bwk bicycle. Cycling around the fountain n lastly yg bwk aweks lepak2 sana.

While my girls r playing, Mel plak sempat checking on a few chicks. Tetiba debushhhh....T dh dlm lubang tuh...Aduih sian nye...Dah la tak bwk baju extra coz this trip is unplan. Lantak la T. Ibunda bwk pampers je. After that we decide to go back la.

All the way home, K tak henti2 bercakap sampai la 1 tahap she falls assleep at the back seat. T plak apa lagi. Bila dh gantung tu, lelap la mata. Maybe letih sgt tuh kot. Reached home around 10.30pm, change their baju n put them to sleep. For Mel, after dropping us n send my things up(sian my dear Mel tercungap2 naik turun tkt 4 2x) he went off.

Baking time, me tot nk buat cup cake but if cup cake, amik masa la. Now its late already. Penat n letih. Tiring coz the trip wit my girls. Nvm la. Just do 1 big cake n tomolo me do the topping la. Jadi ke tak jadi ke lantak la.

Hehe...me update tomolo for the result.....

Chapter 3 - Life after

Salam to all

Chapter 3 - Life after....mcm nk buat buku plak kan... cewaahhh... tinggi harapan but u all know me la. Belajar takat sekolah tinggi mana pandai nk karang buku. Baca buku pun malas. Ni lagi la nk tulis buku. Tak menarik wooo... Nk karang kat sini pun crack pala otak. But just to let it out, i story mory je la 2 u all. Mana tau jadi bahan reading. Me nk membaca buku tp masa tak berkesempatan la. Dah baca skit. Tajuk La Tahzan - Jangan Bersedih.... buku motivasi. Best gak. Tu baru baca skit.

Ok la bebel panjang plak. Life after ayahanda passed away...emmm...me just move on. Sedih, rindu, sunyi dll semua ada la. Seminggu dua tu siblings ada la dtg. Pastu takde la. Well...masing2 ada masalah masing2. So me n kids move on.

Seminggu arwah duk dlm amp puteri, me amik cuti. Tak keje. Bos kata tak pe la. Take as many as u need. Then after he passed away, me amik lagi seminggu duk kg. Arwah me bwk balik kebumi kat kg mama. Senang kalu me balik kg and if raya semua sedara mara bleh visit. Well honestly me tak tau la kalu decision me ni betul ke tak but mek tak kisah, mak cik noh pun ok wit it....then i think ok wit everybody.

After back to KL me amik another one week cuti, just to clear his things. Me went 2 c my big boss. She gv me a big hug. She really a nice person. Very understanding. Happy working with her since 2002. Me went around to Socso, EPF, Banks and PNB to settle his things wh i can claim or not. Things done smoothly. Socso, settled in few days. EPF, not yet, will take time at least a year. Bank CIMB, leceh tul, byk borang. PNB for ASB, at least dia kasi cash RM200 for faedah kematian on the day i went there. The balance will be sent to me soon.. Alhamdulillah!!!!!!!

So at the end i went to Amanahraya. The steps they really explain until i understand. Hope to get the money?...At least 6mth to 1 yr but me heard that most cases takes abt 2-3 yrs baru dpt semua tu. Mmmm...ok la. 1st things 1st.

Me had to go back to work. Dh lama sgt tak keje. Lgpun byk benda asyik kena tunggu je, so pegi keje je la. Lgpun sunyi la kat umah. Lagi bangkit kan rindu kat arwah. Me really miss u my dear hubby.

Mula2 me keje, tak leh concentrate. Really keep thinking abt him. Camne nk buat. Kat tgn tasbih all the time. Cam warak la plak me tp itu la penguat me dgn Allah. Ya Allah! Bagi la aku kekuatan untuk menempuh kehidupan ini bersama anak2 ku...


Colleagues especially saleha, cik tipah & ah soon try really hard to entertain me. Bos keep asking ' r u ok?' Well at this point, my colleagues really taking care of me. Makan....makan la tp now in small portion. Not like last time. Now tak nk masuk sgt kat tekak ni. Makan tetap kena makan. Me have to live for the sake of my girls. Well...ada +ve n -ve la abt my life now. But mcm arwah ajar la, dont think too much, dont think abt wat peeps will say, always think +vely. Errmmm...tats wat i m been doin la guys.

Balik awal2 pas keje, amik anak2, balik umah, sedih arr...Anak2 dh biasa, sampai kat depan umah bg salam panggil abah!abah! buka pintu. Sapa tak rasa sedih! Tahan airmata beb.

Apa2 pun life goes on, bersyukur dgn apa yg ada. To all arwah's friends dr office or kelab pingpong, millions thx for the donations. It helps me a lot. Ye la kan dgn kenduri every day for the 1st week after he passed away and then once a week after until a mth. So byk gak pakai. Itu kat kampung mama. Kat sini pun me buat gak kat surau, kat umah. Ramai dtg. Alhamdulillah..

To all, doakan me tabah utk hadapi dunia KL bersama anak2 tercinta LJ, K & T. Amin!

History about us

Ok la all


Skrg sejarah time. Panjang skit ni. Hope u all tak boring....

Abt me? Cerai hidup pastu skrg ni cerai mati, dua2 dh lalu. Cerai hidup, malas nk cerita. Cerai hidup, pedih sakit hati semua ada la. Cerai mati, rindu bayangan sakit jiwa. Betul2 menguji kesabaran me. But looking at my girls, i hv to move on. At the moment, i miss my eldest girl, si long john (LJ). U all c the pic u know y i called her long john. She is only 9 and nearly the same height as my babysitter. She is staying wit he father. Long story. Malas nk ingat. Sejarah yg amat perit.



Now i move on my life wit my 2 other girls, si kurus (K) and si tembam (T). K totally ayahanda's grils. Since i gv birth to T, she sleep, eat & everything wit ayahanda. Dlm pala K, ayahanda dlm ICU, sakit, doc blom kasi balik. Well for T, only a lil bit of memories. Ye la baru setahun jagung. Now i m facing them alone, scared sometimes but have to be tough. Macam2 perangai. Aduih!!!!! Penin ibunda.... but they all my precious assets..(betul ke ayat tuh...) or gems... Well wat ever it is, they 3 r my love of my life.

Problem to handle? Nangis tgh2 malam bkn org tau pun. U all asking abt adik beradik? Ermmm...masing2 ada prob kehidupan masing2. So life just move on. Maybe out there, many people more teruk than me. Slalu watch 'Bersamamu TV3' sedih woooo...


Me, alhamdulillah. Peninggalan arwah ada skit yg tak tahu bila me nk dpt, dgn duit socso skit dan gaji yg cukup makan....alhamdulillah....syukur sgt2. Masih bleh baya duit hutang. Masih bleh beli mcm2 utk anak2.


Skrg ku perkenalkan arwah........Tis pic was taken on the 1st day dia masuk hospital Damai Melawati. B4 that dh seminggu ayahanda sakit. Tu pun dh sakit sgt2 la tu. Ayahanda ask me to sent him to hospital the day before. Maybe terasa teruk sgt dah kot. Me tgk pun takut tp tak berani nk ckp apa pun coz dia mmg dh warn me jgn sebut pasal hospital. But dlm sakit2 seminggu he still take care of my K. Sedih bila ingatkan tu.

Back to ayahanda, monday 27 apr 09, admitted to Damai Melawati. Doc yg treat him Dr Magala said kena heart attack. The week b4 he is so sick until cant pee, sweat alot, very heaty, drink a lot of water but still no urine. Then doc said it was the kidney prob. Mmmmm... Sabar je la aku. So that day me jaga dia. Betul2 lemah but mulut tak berhenti bercakap. Byk cakap betul. Me think masa tu dia dh takut sgt kot. Me control cantik la. Dlm hati Allah saje yg tau. So doc said under observation for one nite. Me went back that nite kul 9 lebih. Dia pun kata letih sgt nk tido. Doc bg ubat tido sbb suh dia rehat.

So the next day tu, i went there dgn bekal nasi kerabu for my bfast. Ayahanda pun makan gak. Tgahri dia laju je nk makan. Rutin ayahanda, lepas makan sure g toilet but nurse tak kasi. Kencing pun kat katil. 1st time me jaga org sakit but me puashati. Buat yg tersayang. Dia la yg ajar me to always think +vely. Apa pun dia buat me terima seadanya. Puashati me. Alah lagi pun me pun tak perfect kan. No human being is perfect. So terima seadanya..(mcm pernah ku dgr ayat ini..dimana ya...)

Then tghari doc dtg, he still with the same condition. Pastu dia tak duk diam then dia kena heart attack lagi. So doc bincang dgn me. He has to c a specialist immediately but bcoz of his heart condition and failure of his kidney, he has to go to ampang puteri or gleneagle hospital. Aduihhh!!!!!Tempat mahal2 lak tu but since it is for my lovely hubby n co cover hospitalisation, ampang puteri here we come.

Petang tu gak lepas sampai kat amp puteri, Dr Dato Ahmad Mustazam (ingat nama tu sampai skrg) check on him and told me he has to do shooting balloon 2 c whether ayahanda's heart block ke tak...Well doc, do wat ever u have to do la. Ayahanda asyik panggil aku je. Tak bleh jauh skit. Me bangga....really very proud coz he really needs me.

Me duk jauh bukan apa. Ramai sgt doc dgn nurse tgh merawat dia. After the shooting, doc tunjuk me the result. Block keras mcm batu. Cant do the shooting. So Dr Samani, a heart surgeon, told me that he needs to do bypass but cant transfer to IJN coz kidney prob. If go IJN kena queue for heart surgery n then bcoz of his kidney pron, they will sent him to GH for dialysis. So how? Penin2. Air mata mencurah2. Who is there for me? None of the famili. Dr Samani said ayahanda's co insurance ING only cover RM20k only but the cost was estimated at RM50k-60k, Air mata laju tuh keluar mencurah2.

Uit!!!! Tak bleh2...Doc pujuk to call famili bincang abt this. Then immediately dgn airmata yg laju tu i called ayahanda's bos. Bos said 'u sabar dulu.. i called HR' but u know guys, its 6pm. Org semua dh balik. But bos said 'rest assured that we can do the max coverage'. Aduh....lega skit. Then call ayahanda's bro kt Tganu. He said do 1st. Later cari duit. Lega skit. Call mama....Ma......me broke down lagi.

Okeh, me nk g jumpa ayahanda. He is too tired already but still duk struggle nk balik. Nurse kena ikat kaki tangan dia. Cakap pun dh tak betul. Mcm mumbling je. Doc said it is bcoz dia struggling nk keluar, badan pun dh tak betul. Result darah pun dh keluar. Toooooooo high toxic in his blood. Triple beb...aduh...Terhenti sekejap darah me. Me! Control...Ayahanda tgh tgk tuh. Lelama kat situ me keluar tunggu adik2 dtg. Me tak tahan tgk dia baring kat situ struggling nk keluar.Maki hamun semua org. N at that time pun dialysis dh start but 8 hours. Normal is 3-4 hrs but ayahanda punye 8 hrs. Tak faham sgt doc ckp. I think abt toxic tu la. Dr Samani jumpa me n said that surgery postphoned coz of toxication in his blood. Aduih....He said ayahanda stabil buat masa ni. Me balik mlm tu kul 9 kot. Tak ingat but the one week kat spital tu me balik umah amik anak2 dlm time tu la. Tak nak la lambat sgt nti apa kata babysitter plak. B4 balik me make sure me jumpa ayahanda. Cium dia, ckp me nk balik dulu.

29 Apr 2009. The next day me pegi pepagi. Tunggu kat luar ICU tu. Then nurse panggil. She said Dr Phillip panggil. He is a very good doc. Dia la yg update me tiap2 hari masa kat sana. Everything. Today, berita buruk lagi. Now ayahanda punye hati plak rosak. So he said when 3 main organ rosak (which for ayahanda - heart, kidney & now liver) hope for the patient is low. Adussss...tertusuk sembilu kat dada. Airmata ni gugur selaju2nya. He said they r doing the best they can n a liver specialist is called 2 c ayahanda's condition. N for his kidney they have to change from 8 hrs to 24 hrs dialysis due to his blood pressure yg tak tentu. Call mama...airmata...nape la tak bleh stop running down. Called everybody yang terlintas kat pala. Just to update them n calls keep on coming in on my hp n ayahanda's hp. Colleague, sedara mara n mek (ayahanda's mother). Makan...tak lalu...minum..skit2 je la. That day berlalu mcm tu je.....as usual me masuk tgk2 gak ayahanda. Mumbling...tak sanggup me nk tgk dia...me duk luar je...tau ayahanda marah...then that nite b4 balik me cium dia.

30 Apr 2009. Me sampai ICU lambat. Bila dpt masuk je tanya nurse, Dr Phillip dh sampai blom? Nurse kata dh tp me takde. Aduh...ralat nye...ye la dgn anak2 kan..then me pegi cari but doc buat rounding. Nvm la, me tunggu. Me tgk ayahanda....Waaaaa...terkejut. Doc lain plak tgh check. Me terkejut beruk tuh...Doc kata dia terpaksa tido kan ayahanda coz he is toooooo tired already. So ayahanda on ventilation (betul ke perkataan ni) iaitu bernafas pakai mesin. Doc rehatkan dia. Biar badan dia betul2 rehat n the medication dpt masuk dlm badan dia tanpa rejection. Mmmm...nurse pandang me semacam. Apahal ni...Mana la Dr Philip ni..me tunggu kat bilik dia sampai kul 11..

More bad news...no hope...he said if he gv hope kalu tak jadi gak me akan blame spital la kan. Tu memang la kan. So he said they r doing the best he can. Mmmmm...cam biasa ramai gak org dtg... Friends from office pun dtg. My office n his. Hari tu berlalu camtu je...malam b4 balik me cium ayahanda

1 May 2009... Jumaat.. Cuti labour day...Ramai sampai. Mama, mek, semua la. That morning doc ckp 1 more bad news. His lung is not absorbing the oxigen tru mesin tu. Adusss...skali lagi aku kena tikam. Me control air mata... ramai org ni...relaks2...tp sampai depan mama...air mata jatuh gitu je...

2 May 2009 Saturday...Aku tak htr anak ke rumah babysitter coz dia mintak cuti dh lama. Nk balik kg. ok la....Famili acik tlg jaga anak2 aku...Babysitter janji balik senin...ok la..takpe..she is the best. Bkn slalu dia mintak cuti.
Ayahanda camtu gak...takde perubahan...

3 May 2009 Sunday...Mcm biasa aku dtg pepagi. Jumpa Dr Philip. The same answer. He cudnt gv hope. Well me...u have ready for this right...i comfort myself...My bff pun ada dtg ptg tu. Tq ila. Tq vry much...She n i went in to c ayahanda. We were there abt half hour. Masa tu kul 3 pm. Tetiba me saw the nurse tgh lap darah keluar dr mulut dgn hidung ayahanda. Me tanya wat happen? She explain a bit la. So me ingat takde apa2 Diam je la. Ptg tu acik bwk anak2. K dibwk masuk by my niece, jaja. Tq jaja. My K rindu sgt dgn ayahanda but tak nk pegi dekat. She saw him but doesnt dare to look. She grab me very tightly n that nite K & T tak nk berenggang dgn aku. Last aku dgn mek kat ICU tgk ayahanda, Dr Mustazam dtg ckp kat mek yg ayahanda condition is now very2 bad. Only hope for a miracle. My kids, tu la petanda nye yg ayahanda akan meninggal kan kami. Me went back that nite dgn perasaan yg bercampur2.

4 May 2009 Monday...Early morning abg ipar called n told me nurse suruh pegi skrg gak. Dont know y. Me pun mandi skit pakai baju, pecut pegi. Jem skit jalan MRR2, tau je la monday morning kan. Me pecut kul 6.45am. Sampai sana kul 7.15am. Masuk ICU, wayar2 pada badan ayahanda takde dah. Me ask the nurse. OMG..........ayahanda dh takde....baru kejap. Nape ayahanda tak tunggu aku...Nurse kata dh call aku tp tak dpt
dpt msg je. Aku check no tu, hampeh korang. Salin semula sr kertas ke kertas, no hp aku dh jadi salah. Benci!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aku pun peluk ayahanda yg kaku kat situ....

Dlm kesedaran yg ada aku arrange everything myself. Alhamdulillah semuanya berjalan lancar..... I love u so much ayahanda....!!!!!!!!!!!!

Introduction

Assalamualaikum to all

As u all read from the title, i m a balu wit 3 girls age 9, 4 & 1yr 6mths. Saje gatal2 tangan buat blog ni. Its only the diaries of my life. Ampun dan maaf jika apa saja yg akan i post here akan menyakit atau menyinggung perasaan seseorang. Tak terlintas dihati ini utk menyakiti atau meyinggung sesapa. Just a tot of my mind yg akan dilepaskan yg boleh dan tak boleh dikatakan melalui mulut ni.

Sorry if my words tunggang langgang. I m new here. So sesiapa ada petunjuk atau petua bleh la share wit me.

Hope u all enjoy reading n dont judge me please. I m only human