Relationship II

Assalamualaikum

Kita continue wat i left last nite. Today i didnt go to work. Now i m in kg. My mama sakit. Fenin fala la. Along suh aku stay in kg but wat abt my job? Does he think my bos Ms Ho will approve my unpaid leave for 2 mths? Aku takut nti dia kasi 24 hrs notice plak nti. How? Does he think the company will pay me compensate or at least gratuity like wat they pay 2 other people last time? Do u think so? I really dont think so. Yes i do love my mama but i have my kids too. I have my own life. I know i can take care of her but how abt my future? Can somebody help me?This is big sacrifice. I have to think deeply.

Again about relationship, chapter 1, my exhubby. I think it is more abt desperation to have somebody permenantly. Who can take care of me, protect me.... After what i have been thru before that. With the bad experience, i consider him to be my husband eventough my sis totally disagree due to our differences of level of working. He is only an office boy with SPA cert only and me an executive level with a diploma. For me marriage is not abt level of differences but how you reconcile the differences. Cooperation between two difference person. And that what i found in my 2nd marriage. I learn a lot from my second marriage. But when i really comfortable with the cooperation and reconciliation of the marriage, it ends. But well, it is up to the couple actually. I miss arwah too much.

Back to chapter 1, my exhubby. Dia ni pendendam sgt. Terlalu sampaikan tak mengaku abang due to some mistake his brother did and dia pun tak ngaku bapak due to dendam dr kecik. Bapak dia suka pukul famili dia. Aku tak realize masa aku kawin tu, famili dia semua takut kat dia. Once dia tak suka, semua lari. Nape la aku tak nampak. Maybe betul la love is blind. Tak nampak semua tu. Dendam, paling bahaya. Itu aku belajar dr this marriage.

Chapter 2, 2nd marriage. Thinking abt arwah, he is the better. I mean better than 1st hubby. At least he help me a lot doing house work since he only go to work if he received calls from call centre. After i gv birth to my 2nd girl, for him is his 1st baby, i ask for a maid. He totally disagree until the end. And he promise me to help me to do house work and he did keep his promise. What i learn most from this marriage is always think positively. He will ignore what people talk abt him. He totally ignore. He dont care what people say abt him. Whether in front of him or behind his back. First few years is the year i learn abt him. Arguement, gaduh, merajuk takde dlm buku dia. Merajuk, duduk la situ sampai kau sendiri ok. Gaduh, kau pk la sendiri apa salah aku atau apa salah kau. At last aku fed up je. Like him aku try to give my full cooperation and always think positively. Ye la bila merajuk, he wont persuade me. Lastly aku ok sendiri. Bila dia membebel, aku diam je la. He sometimes like woman gak. Suka membebel abt work, friends etc. Itu tak kena, ini tak kena. Like semua dia bagus la. Well, aku biar je la dia meluah perasaan.

Dia mmg suka delay keje but no human is perfect. The one time yang aku paling tak bleh lupakan tu masa dia kat hospital. Dia nk gak aku ada sebelah dia. Aku tak de je, sure dia panggil. Habis semua nurse dia marah. Waiting for him, feeding him, taking care of him...aku puashati. Cuma yang aku tak puashati is when the nurse tak dapat call aku masa dia hembuskan nafas terakhir. Dr sehelai report ke sehelai report yang lain, no hp aku dh jadi lain. Gila! Really gila! Itu pun nasib baik ada no hp abg ipar aku. Dpt jugak nurse call dia. Dan dia la yg call aku suruh pegi hospital immediately but when i reach there, he is gone already. But aku puashati sbb aku berada kat situ tiap2 hari. Looking at him masa last2 tu, aku mcm berat nk tinggal kan dia. But due to my kids mcm tak nk berenggang dgn aku that nite, aku terpaksa balik jugak. Hati mmg berat nk balik tp mlm tu mmg anak2 tak nak berenggang dgn aku.

Hati ni dah bersedia dr dulu for this kind of situation. But this is too soon, terkejut aku. Sebelum ni pun dia sakit 2 bulan, masa tu aku pregnant to my 3rd girl. But he recover after i gv birth. I dont expect he passed away this soon. he is a tough guy and dia memberontak nk balik during the treatment. I know he is scared. Aku lagi la takut. Hati ni semakin hari semakin merelakan dia pergi. Always aku doakan semoga dia bersama org2 yang beriman. Amin!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 3, life after he left me. Well, like other people said. Life has to go on. I am moving on. Some people said i m moving too fast, some say congrates. Hhhhmmm...i m scared actually. Tau je la kalu dah dpt title janda or ibu tunggal ni. Mcm2 tohmahan akan dilemparkan. Niat aku nk kawan je tp disalahertikan. Ingat aku ni kehausan la, kesunyian la. Huh! U r wrong Mr Sam!

T gak paling best. Anytime anyday. If he got time, he will company me. He is a very kind person and every in the office like and respect him. What ever the problem he will fix it. Lagipun mmg dia je yang bleh buat coz dia sorang je IT expert there n his bos. Sure bos tak layan kes2 kecik ni. Lately he is ttooooo bz to company me to dinner. Sian aku. But well, everybody got their own problem. Aku pun tak kacau dia la. Sebelum ni dia la tempat aku meluah perasaan. Apa je sure dia bagi advise as a friend shud do. Any problem he sure be there for you. But this guy suka tido awal. Hihihi....Letih sgt running around the office. Kesian kau T.

Chapter 4, met new friends. One of my friend i met lately is Mel. He is also a good person. Dh lama aku kenal but only on the phone. I only agree to go out with him this past few months. Just to let out a piece of my mind a bit from my problem and he is a very good listener. Being his friend, buat aku lega skit. Let it out, what ever in my head. The truth is i still cant concentrate to work. I do my work but not 100% toward my work. Still di awang2an. Dont know what to do. Sembahyang, doa....maybe blom cukup lagi kot.

Mcm2 dlm kepala ni nk buat tp tak tau mana satu nk start. I have to prepare myself for future. Mana tau bos aku dh muak kat aku tetiba hentikan aku. This year tahun bermasalah utk aku. Byk amik cuti. Arwah passed away, my mama sakit. Letih la...

All of the above is part of my life. But in between i have a lots of good friends also which i will tell u all later, if i got mood la. Heheh...tak de idea nk tulis. Honestly i m not looking for new husband in this near future but only a friend. Just maybe to listen, help me etc.

Gudnite all!