Kemaafan ku pinta!

Salam sayang kawan2 dan keluarga me yang me kasihi sangat.....

Kemaafan me mohon kerana dah lama tak ber'blogging'. Busy dgn keje n the latest news, me buat tonsilectomy. Buang semua tonsil dan anak tekak. Sebelum ni me selalu demam dan sakit tekak. Me jumpa la doc Hakam for his opinion. He refers me to a specialist kat Damai Melawati and Ampang Put3. So at after few months discuss with mama & family, me decided buat jugak kat amp put3. Skrg ni company bleh cover lagi so better now or it will get worst.

Alhamdulillah setakat ni me sihat walafiat wpun kekadang me sakit tekak sebab masih blom pulih sepenuhnya. Benang jahitan pun byk blom gugur. Kekdg sakit tercucuk2. Past 2 days me on mc coz throat me swallon dan doc said due to alergy. Ntah apa yg me makan pun tak tau. Kena la pantang balik eventough doc said no need to pantang.

Salam Maal Hijrah

Salam Maal Hijrah untuk semua.






Salam kemaafan juga ku pinta kiranya ada salah silap yg telah ku lakukan terutamanya keluarga dan kawan2 yg selama ni sentiasa berada di belakang ku dan anak2.......



Bermadah me kan....sekali sekala bersastera ok gak kan wpun me ni dr back ground accounting dr sekolah menengah.

Kek..kek..kek...

Firstly me rasa berbangga sangat atas ilmu yang me ada abt baking cakes. At least me got skill but need practise n sedikit gilapan utk menajam kan lagi skill yang ada. Hihihi...

Using my skill, me dh pun mengajar seorang kawan, BFF, cara2 membuat kek coklat yg anak2 nye yg kiut miut huggable teddy bear tu suka sangat. Thats a nature of a mother kan. Apa2 anak2 suka, sure a mother will do n will learn just to satisfy a child. Air tangan seorang ibu. And also air tangan seorang isteri mesti ada utk menjaga perut suami. Ada terdapat hadis Rasullah saw mengatakan bahawa ada 2 perkara seorang ister harus menjaga suami nya iaitu perut dan sex suami. Buat masa ni me takde suami, so me tak kisah la kan...Hahaha...

Dulu masa arwah ayahanda ada, ibunda slalu masak. Ayahanda tak kisah. Semua me masak dia bedal but most of the time me tanya la apa dia nk makan and eventough me tak tau me buat gak. Belajar la kan. Lelama akan jadi gak. Orang yg suka is ayahanda n dia pun sure komen nye. Ayahanda gak yg belikan oven galakkan me belajar buat kek. Me suka try resipi macam2. Dia makan n he will comments. Pasni anak2 me la plak akan jadi mangsa. Muahahaha.....

On 23rd Aug 09, me ajak BFF buka puasa kat umah. Me masak tghari tu coz budget dia dtg kul 3 camtu. Dia kata nk belajar buat kek but she dont know i got suprise for her. Hihi...Nel pun terlibat sama. Saje buat tak tau. Pandai ko berlakon ek Nel. So she reached at my house then we let the kids play in the room which got a lots of toys. So that me n Sal can concentrate on baking class. Alah benda senang je. Campak2 pastu kukus. Me prefer kek coklat kukus coz its more moist than bake in oven. So at the end ini la hasil nye...jeng..jeng..jeng....Haaaa...terkejut Sal. Actually its her besday that day. Thats is a suprise for her...Coz of nk rush back..mum in law nk buat makan2 for her so dia tak jadi la buka puasa umah me...kek tu panas2 dh me hiaskan...so the buttercream jadi melt. Lgpun me putar tak hancur sgt gula tu...

But then me puashati la. Amatur buat keje kan.

Early puasa that day my LJ balik umah coz cuti skolah. Rindu nye me kat dia. Ada je spare time, me spent with her. Weekdays me keje, balik beli makanan, me buka puasa sama dgn dia. Every single day. Patut me balik lewat coz me kena siap kan report sebelum balik raya but then its my time dgn LJ.

On weekend we went to KL Convention Centre coz i got info from Ah Tee that ada book fest there n some more Mel ajak me keluar dgn anak2 utk buka puasa. Ok gak tu kan. Dh dia pun ada masa so we all go together. Mel dtg amik kitorang kul 3 lebih. Shoot to KLCC n park at my office. We walk all the ways to KLCC. Spent there abt 1 hr my girl T dh ngamuk2 mcm2 lgpun me takut gak H1N1 ni. So after bought everything kitorang pegi masuk KLCC utk buka puasa. We break fast kat food court.

On Sunday morning me bwk anak2 pegi K4 coz susu anak2 dh habis licin pastu i heard that kat K4 murah skit susunye. So went there in the morning coz rest assured that in the afternoon sure ramai org. Skrg ni kan org dh start shopping for raya. So buy things we need n not need...isk fomfuan camni la...so we shoot back to home. LJ mengadu lapar n letih...menrengek mcm budak kecik...isk....sabar la kakak...lelama me pun kesian gak kat dia...ok la ibunda belikan kfc k...

So balik bg diorang makan...tido...

Monday morning LJ dh nk balik umah ayahnye so me suh ayah dia dtg amik la. Me susah nk htr coz dgn si T tu takut tak duduk diam. Pastu lak drive memalam kan. Si K lak sure melalak nk ikut LJ balik. So that morning me pun buat la choc cupcakes yg dia suka tu...ini la hasilnye....for her to take back to her nenek's house. Me will miss her again. Nowadays they grow up very fast n me getting old very fast gak...hihi....

Selamat Berpuasa....

السلام عليكم وارهمتو الله هيوابركتاوه

My dear diary,

This week starts 1st Sept 09, me have to work overtime. Due to my leave has been approve by Ms Ho but with one condition - all my monthly and quarterly has to be finished. Itu yang parah me coz i have only 2 weeks to finish everything which usually will take me 3 - 4 weeks to settle especially my quarterly report.

It gives me headache la but think abt it maybe ok kot coz LJ dh balik umah ayahnye so me buka puasa kat umah sorang2 ditemani oleh 2 other princesses. But well still me miss ayahanda so so very much. Selalu dia masak nasi so bila me bangun me akan panas kan lauk yang me masak before tido or maybe yang ayahanda beli kat pasar ramadhan. He is still the one me miss all the time. So when buka puasa sorang2 tu me rasa ada je tak kena. Better me pegi buka puasa dgn sesapa la kat opis tu. Rembat la sesapa yg ada. Kalu takde buka la sorang2.

Nk habiskan keje pun ye gak. Me keep pushing everybody yg provide the infor for my account including Mel. Sian dia. Hihi...apa guna kawan kan...

Me hv to be strong for myself so that i can finish my work n go back to Jerteh early. Lots of things me have to do before raya. Lagi pun along tak balik this year. So aku la yg take over kot. Nk harapkan yg lain, susah. So tak pe la aku sacrifice asal mama bahagia. Lgpun mama kan sakit, so this year along, poya n acik tak balik. So mama sure sedih. That is when my role have to take charge.

As usual i will always try to do the best for all my family. Put everybody ahead before me. Well thats my nature. As long as they happy, i m happy. Hopefully i can finish my report by next week. Praying very hard for it to be done! Thank you Allah!

2nd baking class...kek lagi...

Assalamualaikum

Dh lama tak update sini kan. Terlepas a few things me nk tell story. Me went to 2nd class baking. Its fondant cake class. On 15th aug 09 at 9 am, me got class. Mulanya kelas cam biasa 10.30pm but me request cepat skit coz mlm nye ada kenduri tahlil. Nvm me sacrifice skit. InsyaAllah sure dpt uruskan dengan se'smooth' yang mungkin.

Kul 8 lebih me htr anak ke umah ana, me terus pecut ke cheras indah. Me tot saturday pun sure jem kan. Slowly driving towards pandan, me c the road so so clear like water. Hihihi...cepat la me sampai ni nti. Me reached kak min's house at 8.30am. Dia tgh siram pokok2 bunga...hehe...

So while waiting for others, kak min ajak bekfas dgn dia. Sedap sungguh kuih dia buat...Orange meringue tart. Menjilat jari...minum lak kopi..isk ilang ngantuk jap.

After other 2 kakak dtg, we start a bit late already. 9.20am. Lambat jugak. Another student tak sampai2 lagi...she seems lost somewhere..

In my opinion, to make fondant is u hv to hv a heavy duty mixer. Setakat hand or stand mixer tak yah la. Nti patah tang mana2 kang..patah mixer tak pe. Bleh beli lain, patah tgn tak de ganti woooo...

So bleh dilihat dr gambar2 yg aku ni kira nya bisa gak la buat kek tu...byk sungguh tools & equipment nk pakai...aduih....takpe. Nti aku slowly la beli. Mcm2 nk pakai. Kreativiti pun nk kena ada gak.

Kak min dh email me that day abt next class. Cupcake fondant...hihi..fondant lagi..but not cant wait for that class..

Semoga me bleh buka kedai one day. Ilmu bukan skit tau...me akan masuk kelas lain gak. Me dh surf internet abt it. Soon n slowly me will learn the skill. At least me fill up my spare time kan...gemuk la my girls kena paksa makan kek tiap2 hari...hihi

27th Aug 09 - Z anak nonsah

Assalamualaikum

Today me pegi buka puasa kat Bora Ombak dgn my beloving colleague sisters. Sadly adik Z is leaving us tommorrow. So this is the final time me n my colleague sisters spent time together. At first me book kat 39th Restaurant, PNB Darby Park but then i need to do shopping for my girls baju. As usual kat mana lagi kalu bukan kat Reject Shop, Ampang Point. Knowing la my LJ, K & T all kurus tinggi, so RS do have pants yg tirus kecik, pinggang kecik bergetah & glitters. Tau je la fesyen sekarang ni. Nk ada glitters2 kat pants or jeans.

So me n sal head up to Ampang Point after work. Promise everybody to meet up at 6.30pm at Bora Ombak, me singgah kat Ampang Point to buy some clothes for my girls. I tot nk buy just my LJ coz dia punye me blom beli lagi. But then thinking of othe r 2, sure bila bwk balik they all will ask n will be excited tgk beg shopping kan so kena la beli at least a piece for the other 2.

Nvm this saturday me tot nk bwk diorang keluar. Only On thursday me knew that KLCC got book fair. 5 halls...waa.....so big event. But takut gak nowadays kan H1N1 but bila lagi nk keluarkan coz LJ will be going back to her grandma's house this monday. Nk see her again only raya nanti la coz this year she will be spending time with me at my mom's house. At least she will company me balik raya nti. This year me balik kg dgn anak2 je. Drive sorang2 dgn anak2. Maybe me berhenti mana2 dgn anak2 nti. See how la but me confidently can drive by myself.

Back to my story kat Bora Ombak. Meet up kat Bora Ombak before buka puasa. Paling awal surely me n sal la. Pastu kitorang pegi solat asar dulu kat situ. Kira ok la. Very comfy utk solat. Pastu kak sripah called that she got lost due to miss a junction coming in to the restaurant. But later we saw her n her little princess Eika. Comel sungguh. Hasil gabungan mak bapak after few years...hihi...

Waiting for others, we waited until around 7 pm, adik ton dgn her little princess and the biggest star of the day, Z anak nonsah. Dr dulu me slalu panggil dia nama tu. She said dh lama tak dgr org panggil dia mcm tu coz dulu her teacher used to call her that. Well Z anak nonsah, we will miss u dearly. A few years with her, we had a lot of good times. She is so fun, funny and always smile. But for her future, it is good la. Move on if got better offer. Lompat2 sure naik gaji byk punye. Dh rezeki dia kan. For me, nk lompat dh tak larat. Thinking abt my girls, better duk di bumi Atlan je la. Apa lagi nk. Gaji cukup, medical ada and the most important that me dh selesa dgn my job. So duk la kat situ until me cukup masa untuk berhenti. Alhamdulillah.

Nel lak dtg lambat. Pas keje katanya mcm2 jadi. Bas kena isi minyak, tayar pancit n paling kesian dia dtg dlm ujan. Yes, lucky u here my darling bro, kalu tak me seligi lu, tau! Mana aku pegi sal & nel mesti ada. They are now my family. My BFF tau! Susah nk dpt adik mcm tu. Love u all.

Bora Ombak.....makanan tak se'gah' namanya. Lousy food. Semua dessert tak sedap. Maybe smlm punye kot. Kek coklat tak sedap. Jeli got few type but mostly tawar hebe je...isk...Then the food, lauk2 nye...nasib baik bleh telan je. Dr 1 to 10, me only gv 2. Memang tak best. Ikan bakar, bakso, fruits, mee rebus pun sama gak....k la. No more next time. Aku pun pasni sengkek skit. Hihihi...dh habis shopping utk anak2. Aku sendiri pun blom shopping tuk raya. But baju raya byk tahun ni. Ye la tahun lepas dgn 2 tahun lepas aku tak buat byk. This year me nengok baju lama2 mcm dh tak leh pakai, buat je la lebih skit tahun ni.

Tak sabar nk balik raya. Tak tau la DL approve tak cuti aku. Cuti dh habis, tak tau la dia approve tak. Ye la masa ayahanda meninggal tu, me amik cuti 3 weeks. Tu pun bila masuk keje aku mcm bengong lagi.........Move on ibunda!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K la all....to Z, akak sayang Z with all my heart. Dont forget me k. Nti dtg umah akak masak nasi kerabu dgn laksam k. Hantu Laksam!

Dear Diary....

Assalamualaikum

Dah lama me tak menaip kat sini kan. Busy with my schedule lately. N yesterday is my besday...huhu...dh tua la me ni. A lot of wishes came from friends who always support n love me. Thank you all. Thanks for all yr support.

Buat Mel, tq for the flower. It totally suprised me. Tq also for the gift n let me choose myself. Tq for the tot n love n support u gave me. Tq also for the ears u lend me. Tkasih also for yr time yg u buang utk mendengar luahan me...hihi...

To sal & nel, u both r the best BFF i cud find. Hope u b my BFF for ever n ever.

Buat abg (AS), always there for me when i needed u, thank you with all my heart.

Buat unkel arif, tq for being my friend.

To mangkukhayunians, tq for fill up my life. Cheering me always. To papa dyll, kita sama2 sabar byk2 k. Kita sama2 puasa zahir & batin k...hihi

To my colleague at fin dept, esp amoi, DL, T, adik dot, S1N1, Tun, Ili, mama, angel, seksiteri & SMD, tq to all for ur support dr dulu sampai la skrg. I know i m not doing that well now, nyusahkan u all esp adik dot. But i promise i will always try my best to upgrade my work.

To Atlanians, tq for being a good friend to me esp anak Dell, kak diva, kak jol, mak yung, Z, adik ton sayang & etc (semua la). U all best la.

And especially to my ANA, tq from the bottom of my heart for being such a good sister to me n u will always be my sister to me n forever.

My mum, i love u with all my heart..........No word can describe my love to u.

To my dear ayahanda, ibu will always n forever love u....

Cupcakes

بِسۡمِ ٱللهِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

Assalamualaikum

Today me not feeling well. Lately me slalu headache la. Maybe too many things in my head and too many things to do before my majlis tahlil this coming saturday 15th Aug 2009. Hopefully it goes well. Dh sms to all my siblings n arwah's relatives. Tak tau la berapa ramai yg bleh dtg. Called poksu to drive me this sat to pick up makanan. Kuih ada skit mok N promised nk bwk. Called abg Aziz to come to lead the tahlil. I really hope he will be here. Mcm yang lepas, malu gak me. Everybody tak nak lead include my 'full of knowledge' brother. Geram sungguh. But well, semua ok at the end.

Anak2 me htr umah bbsitter. So me alone tak tau nk buat apa. Nk online, malas. Tido memanjang after swallow pills given by my doctor. Kul 12 bgn pastu lapar, dont wat to eat. Nk masak malas la. So apa lagi, called McD delivery la. Buy burger.

Buka tutup peti ais, me tgk ada icing leftovers yesterday. Ok la. Better practise my skill la. So me baked 1 whole cake n a few cupcakes. Just to practise wat me had learn from kak yasmin. So me pakai je apa yg ada dlm peti ais n dlm drawer kat kitchen. So the result......yang akan jadi me punye mangsa to force to eat the cakes are K, T, manja, aisha & anak2 ina.........huhu

Cupcakes

Assalamualaikum

Today peeps me kemas umah. Next week nk buat tahlil before puasa datang. Panggil jiran2 je dengan sedara me n arwah. InsyaAllah. Me dh tempah nasi dagang. Mok N kata nk buat kuih skit. Ok la tu. Maybe me bleh buat cake or cupcakes ke.....

Talking about cupcakes, me buat cupcakes eventough me letih sgt sebab kemas umah hari ni. Nasib baik babysitter datang tolong. Lagipun me suh bibik dgn liya datang tolong me.

Cari2 punye cari, me jumpa la resipi vanila cupcake. Better try nih. Glaze kan dgn coklat kan. Sure best. So dari kul 9 dgn pertolongan anak2 (lebih dari menyepahkan ada la...hihi..). Me dapat buat 30 medium size cupcake. Puashati la coz smlm try buat roti tak menjadi langsung. Tangan me tak rasi la dgn buat benda lain. Masak pun sama gak tp at least bila masak kira bleh makan la. Ni roti tak jadi langsung. Tapi tak pe. This is my 1st attempt. Next time me buat lagi k.....

Baking ni mmg me suka sangat. Maybe sebab selalu menjadi kot. Sapa2 nk order, bleh call me k...Cantik ke...tgk la sendiri k....

Weekend Holliday to PD on 1st Aug 09

Assalamualaikum to all

Hari ni me pegi keje mcm biasa. Dr tadi lagi nk update sini tp me bz surfing internet for baking cupcakes. Tak sabar me nk belajar. Just to sharpen my skills. Ye la for my future. Sampai bila me nk keje. Anak2 camne? Kesian diorang. Dh la takde bapak, me plak bz keje. Hopefully lepas ni me bleh slow skit keje then concentrate on them. Primary school me think got no problem la coz they still small. Time yang paling critical is secondary school. Parents bz with working n their kids bz dgn mcm2. Risau me. Mcm2 jadi dgn school students skrg ni especially secondary. Primary students pun pandai buli small kids. Camne tu....Risau aku especially dgn K.


Well, as me promise to arwah, if me got time n money me will take them to entertain them n let them enjoy themselves. This time me got some money from the company that arwah works for. Most of it me simpan for their future n part of it bayar hutang n simpan for this trip n also for makan2 tahlil at his office this coming wed 5 aug 09 and tahlil here in the house this coming 15 aug 09.


So this time me book PD for 1 nite. Think abt it, sapa me nk ajak ek? So sapa lagi kalu bukan my BFF saleha n the gang. Talk to her a mth ago, asking permission from Nel, her hubby. So at the end we agree to go to PD in 1 car on 1 aug 09. Hotel, on me. Mmg niat me nk belanja diorang. Sambil2 tu entertain my girls. Lgpun kalu me pegi dgn the girls pun bosan la. Kesian diorang takde geng. So me book Tiara Beach Resort, 2 rooms facing the pool. Takkan nk pilih facing hutan kot. It seems that their pool is huge, big & wide. To both of my girls and my 2 chubbies, this is from bonda to u all coz bonda loves u guys. Be a good kids, got time to play but learn smart k.


On the 1st day, Sat 1 aug 09, BFF call me early in the morning just to tell me not to drive to her house. Nel said he will pick us up from my house n forbid me from driving with 2 kids. Tq Nel. So as we agreed, they came around 9.45 am coz me plan to go early so that we go to the beach 1st before we check in. Ye la kan. Sure after check in tak de masa nk pegi beach. Lgpun some people said TBR is a bit far from the beach. So all the way there, these kids especially my girls were very quiet. Maybe engine diorang belum panas tu kot. Mcm takut2 pun ada, hihi....biarkan diorang. Let them settle down 1st, sure tak sampai 1/2 jam mesti ada gelak ketawa. Lgpun dh lama my K tak jumpa dgn chubbies2 tuh. I think abt a mth ago jugak kot. All the way to PD, Nel is the driver, relax je drive the car. Along the way, hujan gerimis. Best gak kan at least tak la panas sgt. Cool je. Tak panas tak sejuk sgt. Ngam2. We reached PD around 11.30am after making a few stops. Biasa la budak2. Nk kencing la, nk itu la. Reached there, we went for lunch dulu coz Nel was so hungry n must look for nasi (perut melayu la katakan...hihi). We manage to hv lunch at a small local restaurant with a lot of choices of lauk. Sedap lauk2 dia but one of the chubbies tak nk makan coz too excited nk pegi pantai. Chia...chia...Duk berdiri kat tiang restauran tu sampai la kitorang habis makan. Last2 BFF tapau 2 nasi ayam coz my babies pun makan skit je. Pasni sure budak2 letih lapar lepas main. Sure nk makannye....

Later after makan we went to Teluk Kemang beach. Sampai je sana terus kitorang cari tempat utk lepak letak barang n the kids change their clothes. Apa lagi semua terjah la pantai. At 1st, K main skit2 je. Duk running kat pasir je. Ajak ke tepi air tak nak. Nangis tak nak. Memang penakut la K ni. Dr dulu lagi dia mcm tu. Masa pegi Melaka umah mak bbsitter pun mcm tu. We check in kat Sri Warisan. Main kolam, T terus terjun, yg K plak duk tepi kolam je. Nangis tak nak turun. But it was a sweet memory with arwah la.

Ok back to Teluk Kemang. Later a bit, T naik syok main dgn chubbies. K plak nangis2 minta nk duk kat tempat kitorang letak barang2. Nel ada kat situ, so dia duk la situ. T plak makin lama makin syok main pastu nengok2 org keliling. Mcm2 ragam. Tak kira besar ke kecik, sama je perangai. Abt half an hour we were there, it was drizzling so we decide to wash everybody. Takut la nti hujan lebat. Masa masuk kat bilik air tu, hujan turun skit2 je. After wash everybody, hujan turun lebat giler. At that time it was around 1.30pm already. Masa tu me fikir, better we go n check in la. Sure diorang kasi check in awal memandangkan hari tu hujan lebat. So me ask Nel to drive to TBR.

Round2 punye round, at last we found TBR. Punye la jauh dr Teluk Kemang. After collect the key, we went to our room B-3-02. Ingat tuh....n it is facing the pool side. Apa lagi anak2 pun excited la nk turun main air. Chia sampai merajuk2. Puas BFF dgn Nel pujuk. Ye la. Mak2 dgn bapak penat lagi but they all still full with energy. Kitorang lepak2 dulu, buat air. Makan apa yg patut dulu...

After looking at them, tooooo excited to go to the pool, at exactly 3pm we were at the pool. So amaze la. So huge, big, wide....Mcm2 ada... From the pics u all can see how big is the pool.
The next morning Nel pepagi cari breakfast coz sure nye anak2 nk turun pool lagi kan. Nasi lemak & roti canai. Adusss...me nk diet pun tak jadi. Dh beli makan je la kan. Sesekali pegi bercuti. Anak2 apa lagi makan skit jer pastu lompat2 nk turun pool lagi. But this time K & T tak duk lama. Tak tau nape. Dh puas main pool smlm kot. But well we check out kul 12 but singgah kat Teluk Kemang shopping skit. Utk my dearest babysitter and a few of my neighbours kids. Perabih kat RM200 gak. But me happy dgn diorang. Tak sabar for the next trip, maybe Melaka....

Relationship II

Assalamualaikum

Kita continue wat i left last nite. Today i didnt go to work. Now i m in kg. My mama sakit. Fenin fala la. Along suh aku stay in kg but wat abt my job? Does he think my bos Ms Ho will approve my unpaid leave for 2 mths? Aku takut nti dia kasi 24 hrs notice plak nti. How? Does he think the company will pay me compensate or at least gratuity like wat they pay 2 other people last time? Do u think so? I really dont think so. Yes i do love my mama but i have my kids too. I have my own life. I know i can take care of her but how abt my future? Can somebody help me?This is big sacrifice. I have to think deeply.

Again about relationship, chapter 1, my exhubby. I think it is more abt desperation to have somebody permenantly. Who can take care of me, protect me.... After what i have been thru before that. With the bad experience, i consider him to be my husband eventough my sis totally disagree due to our differences of level of working. He is only an office boy with SPA cert only and me an executive level with a diploma. For me marriage is not abt level of differences but how you reconcile the differences. Cooperation between two difference person. And that what i found in my 2nd marriage. I learn a lot from my second marriage. But when i really comfortable with the cooperation and reconciliation of the marriage, it ends. But well, it is up to the couple actually. I miss arwah too much.

Back to chapter 1, my exhubby. Dia ni pendendam sgt. Terlalu sampaikan tak mengaku abang due to some mistake his brother did and dia pun tak ngaku bapak due to dendam dr kecik. Bapak dia suka pukul famili dia. Aku tak realize masa aku kawin tu, famili dia semua takut kat dia. Once dia tak suka, semua lari. Nape la aku tak nampak. Maybe betul la love is blind. Tak nampak semua tu. Dendam, paling bahaya. Itu aku belajar dr this marriage.

Chapter 2, 2nd marriage. Thinking abt arwah, he is the better. I mean better than 1st hubby. At least he help me a lot doing house work since he only go to work if he received calls from call centre. After i gv birth to my 2nd girl, for him is his 1st baby, i ask for a maid. He totally disagree until the end. And he promise me to help me to do house work and he did keep his promise. What i learn most from this marriage is always think positively. He will ignore what people talk abt him. He totally ignore. He dont care what people say abt him. Whether in front of him or behind his back. First few years is the year i learn abt him. Arguement, gaduh, merajuk takde dlm buku dia. Merajuk, duduk la situ sampai kau sendiri ok. Gaduh, kau pk la sendiri apa salah aku atau apa salah kau. At last aku fed up je. Like him aku try to give my full cooperation and always think positively. Ye la bila merajuk, he wont persuade me. Lastly aku ok sendiri. Bila dia membebel, aku diam je la. He sometimes like woman gak. Suka membebel abt work, friends etc. Itu tak kena, ini tak kena. Like semua dia bagus la. Well, aku biar je la dia meluah perasaan.

Dia mmg suka delay keje but no human is perfect. The one time yang aku paling tak bleh lupakan tu masa dia kat hospital. Dia nk gak aku ada sebelah dia. Aku tak de je, sure dia panggil. Habis semua nurse dia marah. Waiting for him, feeding him, taking care of him...aku puashati. Cuma yang aku tak puashati is when the nurse tak dapat call aku masa dia hembuskan nafas terakhir. Dr sehelai report ke sehelai report yang lain, no hp aku dh jadi lain. Gila! Really gila! Itu pun nasib baik ada no hp abg ipar aku. Dpt jugak nurse call dia. Dan dia la yg call aku suruh pegi hospital immediately but when i reach there, he is gone already. But aku puashati sbb aku berada kat situ tiap2 hari. Looking at him masa last2 tu, aku mcm berat nk tinggal kan dia. But due to my kids mcm tak nk berenggang dgn aku that nite, aku terpaksa balik jugak. Hati mmg berat nk balik tp mlm tu mmg anak2 tak nak berenggang dgn aku.

Hati ni dah bersedia dr dulu for this kind of situation. But this is too soon, terkejut aku. Sebelum ni pun dia sakit 2 bulan, masa tu aku pregnant to my 3rd girl. But he recover after i gv birth. I dont expect he passed away this soon. he is a tough guy and dia memberontak nk balik during the treatment. I know he is scared. Aku lagi la takut. Hati ni semakin hari semakin merelakan dia pergi. Always aku doakan semoga dia bersama org2 yang beriman. Amin!!!!!!!!!!

Chapter 3, life after he left me. Well, like other people said. Life has to go on. I am moving on. Some people said i m moving too fast, some say congrates. Hhhhmmm...i m scared actually. Tau je la kalu dah dpt title janda or ibu tunggal ni. Mcm2 tohmahan akan dilemparkan. Niat aku nk kawan je tp disalahertikan. Ingat aku ni kehausan la, kesunyian la. Huh! U r wrong Mr Sam!

T gak paling best. Anytime anyday. If he got time, he will company me. He is a very kind person and every in the office like and respect him. What ever the problem he will fix it. Lagipun mmg dia je yang bleh buat coz dia sorang je IT expert there n his bos. Sure bos tak layan kes2 kecik ni. Lately he is ttooooo bz to company me to dinner. Sian aku. But well, everybody got their own problem. Aku pun tak kacau dia la. Sebelum ni dia la tempat aku meluah perasaan. Apa je sure dia bagi advise as a friend shud do. Any problem he sure be there for you. But this guy suka tido awal. Hihihi....Letih sgt running around the office. Kesian kau T.

Chapter 4, met new friends. One of my friend i met lately is Mel. He is also a good person. Dh lama aku kenal but only on the phone. I only agree to go out with him this past few months. Just to let out a piece of my mind a bit from my problem and he is a very good listener. Being his friend, buat aku lega skit. Let it out, what ever in my head. The truth is i still cant concentrate to work. I do my work but not 100% toward my work. Still di awang2an. Dont know what to do. Sembahyang, doa....maybe blom cukup lagi kot.

Mcm2 dlm kepala ni nk buat tp tak tau mana satu nk start. I have to prepare myself for future. Mana tau bos aku dh muak kat aku tetiba hentikan aku. This year tahun bermasalah utk aku. Byk amik cuti. Arwah passed away, my mama sakit. Letih la...

All of the above is part of my life. But in between i have a lots of good friends also which i will tell u all later, if i got mood la. Heheh...tak de idea nk tulis. Honestly i m not looking for new husband in this near future but only a friend. Just maybe to listen, help me etc.

Gudnite all!

Relationship....

Assalamualaikum

Tension nye aku!!!!!!!!!!!

Baru aku nk publish post yang aku taip dr kul 10.30 tadi, hilang entah ke mana. Isk tension nye. Idea bukan main mencurah2. Hilang sekelip mata because aku tertekan butang enter 2 kali. nak cari balik taktau kat mana. Well, camne ni. Mata pun belum ngantuk. Ye la. Makan je ubat, tido. Pas makan ubat, tido. Itu keje aku this 2 days.

Well actually tadi aku cerita pasal relationship aku dgn hubby n boyfrens. But now i m sleepy already!

Talk to u soon

Monday 20 July 2009

Today me went to work a bit early. Coz plan to get my wiwi a good bath after long time since me cant remember when. Htr my girls ke rumah mamanye around 6.50am. Me drove to Petronas Station Bkt Antarabangsa to fill up petrol. Dh merah la cik kak. Takut nti tgh2 jln enjin mati lak. Sapa nk nolong pepagi. Everybody is rushing to work. Then me shoot to work. Owh ya my wiwi need a bath. Me too her to Petronas Station near Elevated Highway Ampang. After 20 min, done. Kira ok la. Pay RM10 then off to work. Today tak makan heavy la coz smlm dh makan byk. So me bought papaya je.

Around 9am perut mula meragam lak. Aduih nape ni...Ke toilet 3-4 kali dr kul 9am until 12pm. Perut lak keroncong lapar coz semua dh keluar. Nape ntah perut ni sakit. or maybe coz of papaya pepagi ke...ntah la. Call Mel. Seems bz lak dia hari ni. He called this morning but me were at the toilet. Malu la....

N today some news make me very sad. Encik Mohd from arwah's bos called abt company insurance money that me hv been waiting quite long time already. They all janji 4-6 wks je but now its more than 2 mths plus. Me really hope for it to pay a few debts that we have. At least release my burden a bit la so that me can move on n adjust my income a bit better. Now dgn gaji & pencen, bleh la makan. Blom sampai tahap tak bleh makan. Cuma tak bleh lebih2 belanja n cant help anybody else include my mom. Not for the time being. Sorry everybody. Sorry mama...me will help u soonest i get the money. Me know mama is renovating her house.

Encik Mohd said that the insurance money delayed due to ING havent received hospital bill from Damai Hospital. Aiyak...ye ke...Pelik plak. He suggest me called Damai. Immediately me called the hospital regards the issue n u all know what....the bill has been paid long time already. And today ING called abt any other outstanding bill. Bengong kan...Arwah is dead. Mana ada rawatan susulan. Giler.......Saje la nk delay. Time mintak company pay, desak2 suruh baya cepat. Tp utk dia refund balik memanjang alasan.

Me called En Mohd again abt it n complain to him wit tears in my eyes. Laju je. Berapa dpt pun me tak kisah. At least something for my girls. He promise to look immediately regards this issue. That day me talk to upper level bos Encik Noorizan n beg him to ask the company to absord the hospital bills n to refund me all the insurance money so that can help me n the kids. At least dpt baya rumah skit pun ok la. Lega skit me.

Balik umah perut still sakit. Me dont dare to take spicy food. Sampai umah kul 6pm me continue to pack the sample. Lupa lagi me nk angkat sample yg ada kat dlm bonet my wiwi. Kan last sun pegi amik. Jam dh kul 7.45pm. Me finish a few n take shower. Nk pick up my girls. Lambat2 kang kesian my bbsitter. Balik umah me were tired but need to pack all the sample until i manage to finish it by 9pm.

Alamak my wifi streamyx buat hal la plak. Called my dear Ah Soon abt it. He also cant do anything abt it. As usual la Ah Soon. Dok begger2 until me hv to call the technical line. Jgn la jadi lagi camni....Then automatik dgn sendirinya jadi ok. Maybe Telekom reset kat tempat dia kot. Me sambung la update here. This time no pic ok. Me pun tak tau nk letak pic apa. Sorry if it is bored...Tata..me nk tido dulu. Ibunda undur diri until next post k.

Macam2.....

Assalamualaikum!


19 July 2009. Today i did something bad. Me mean as a mother la. Last nite me update here until 2am plus. Tido dh lambat, bgn pun lambat arr....I woke up around 7.30am coz T need susu. Really tak sedar. Langsung tak sedar. Then me bleh terlelap plak. Isk..isk..isk..


Jam menunjukkan kul 10am. Apa lagi terus me bangun bagaki lipas kudung la..Betul ke perumpamaan tuh? Well lepas mandi me buat susu utk K n T pun dh bangun terus me mandikan dia. Pakai kan baju, pegi dapur. Adusss....kecah nye dapur. Me tak basuh periuk belanga buat kek smlm. Tired n too sleepy last nite. Well me basuh apa yg patut n start on cooking for cake topping. Susu pekat, marjerin n koko. For my choc cake....became so big. So i hv to cut it to small round cake to fit in the plastic pack that i bought yesterday. Nvm la. Tak cantik pun takpe. At least me honestly dh niat nk kasi kat dia. C the pic n u all can comment abt it.

Shoot to ampang to Saleha's house, 11.45am already. Me promise her to be there around 11.30am. But then better late than never. Sampai kat area situ, park penuh la. Ye la kat area situ ada 2 kenduri. Jalan sempit skit. Sampai sana my adik tersayang (hubby saleha) ada kat situ menyambut kakak dia ni. Gv him the cake yg tak seberapa, then i saw my dearest Saleha. Bz wit melayan peeps, me n girls go to find seats. Waiting peeps to clear the buffet table, i ask Saleha to take some food for us. Ye la my girls kan tau je la. Tak nak duduk langsung. Tak bleh tinggal. Tgh2 melayan makan my girls, my colleague Zai with her beauty girl Batrisya sampai. Zai dtg dgn famili kak cik dia yg sarat ngandung anak ntah no brp. Me never ask abt it. Maybe too bz wit my girls. At least ada org kat our table. Tak la sunyi sgt me. Suasana masa tu blom ramai lagi. Everything seems sederhana je. If me know it wud be like this, me wud come n help out. Ramai neighbour dia dtg. Kalangan org2 tua je. Mcm sembang kat kedai kopi plak. Mcm2 issue me dgr. Gamaknya kalu arwah ada gini la kot hari tua dia nti. Me miss him very much. Seeing couples come tak kira muda atau tua, berdua2an dgn anak2 yg sorang dua or maybe more. Ada yg kecik, ada yg dh grow up jadi anak teruna dan dara. Me so sad thinking abt it. Tak bleh ni, tak bleh lama ni. Mmmm....duk situ melayan anak2 n c gelagat other people, me got really sad. Jom la balik girls. Me were there abt 45min n u all know la my girls. Well me ada hal lain pun. Need to pick pun sample biskut raya utk jualan tahun ni. Mula2 tak nak buat coz takde modal. Like last yr arwah ada so he can cover my expenses. but then when me talk to Kak Mas (tuan punye cookies) abt this, she said its ok to paid later. She mean that pay her back after me collect all the money for the order la. Thank you Allah. Amin. At least me ada duit lebih utk balik raya. Me dah pack a few. Utk distribution next week. Next weeek dh kena distribute. In Aug Kak mas dh tak terima order lagi dah. Sebelum balik tu jumpa Saleha skali lagi peluk cium dulu la. Bff me mana bleh tinggalkan camtu je. Kena la jumpa la dulu. Bg seposen dua, hihi...Mama nye bz wit other peeps so me kim salam je la.

After pick up samples, we went to Kak katy's house. She is my ex neighbour. Like my real kakak dh pun. Anak2 dia pun dh very close to me. Dulu dia jaga sekejap my LJ masa me duk situ in 2002. Lepak situ dr kul 1 lebih sampai la kul 3.30. Me order dominos pizza, makan2 ramai2 dgn anak2 diorang. My girls dh ngantuk kot, T dh ngamuk2. Dh boring main2 la tu. Tau je la. Nk nenen la. Segan la me depan hubby kak katy, abg sharif. So me minta diri dulu la. In the car they all sleep. Aduih camne nk angkat nti.


Sampai umah, mandi & buat susu, semua dh lentuk include me gak. So duzzzz.....Sampai la kul 5.30 somebody knock on the door. Kacau tul la. Anak jiran nk main dgn my girls. Me open the door n ask her to come a bit later. Me woke up n mandi n also the girls. I remember i need to go to the bank to pay my car loan. Lupa la. My money dh makin kering ni. How...Nxt week plan to go somewhere plak tuh. So after mandi around kul 6.30pm we went out. K plak lapa. So went around cari nasi lemak, fav K. Takde la plak. So ended up buy nasi ayam for her. Ok la at least ada nasi for her n T.


At nite around 9.30pm after dinner, me finishing packing samples so that by next week i must distribute already. I warn K & T dont disturb bunda k, bunda nk buat keje. While i was packing, K kata nk makan lagi. Lapa katanya. Ok la. Bagi je la. Dh dia nk makan. U know kids, ada masa nk makan ada masa tak nak makan. While she eating, T plak sebuk nye nk makan sama. As a good sister, K suap kan T. Aduih...terharu aku. Pandai nye anak bunda. Dh besar rupanya anak bunda kan. Sian my girls. Patuh pada kata bunda. Tak nk kacau bunda, K suap nasi ayam kat T. Wpun skit2 but masuk gak la mulut. 'Jgn tumpahkan...' and u all know what...not a single rice on the floor. Buat mcm adults suap. Suap siap tadah dgn tangan satu lagi. Alhamdulillah....

Well guys, anybody out there nk order biskut raya, please drop a line. Until next post....

Chapter 4 - Today's News

Assalamualaikum

Hari ni me nk cerita pasal current stories...

Today me bangun subuh kul 7.05am. Subuh gajah beb. Apa la nk jadi kat me ni but u all know la last nite me posting sampai kul 2am. Pastu lelap sampai la alarm bunyi pun tutup balik terus selimut diri...zzz.....sedar2 dh 7.05am..hihi...

Kul 8.30am my darling T kejutkan nk nenen. Yes, umur dah 1yr 6mth old pun masih netek. Isi dh kurang tp saje dia nk letak mulut kat situ. At least bila me sedar matahari dh tinggi, cepat2 bgn do things me suppose to do. Mandi, masak, jemur kain n bath my girls in between. Tgk2 dh kul 11am, me habis lipat kain cari my girls dh sleep in front of tv. Ermmm...sian plak..me pun tumpang skali coz qada smlm punye.

Kul 4 after dh lunch me got an idea 2 take my girls out 2 buy things to make a choc cake for tomolo. My bff Saleha's sister wedding. Me tak tau nk buat apa melainkan tu je yg buat masa ni me terrer. Cewwaaahhh... masuk lift tekan sendiri. Buat choc cup cake pun best kan. In the mean time, my neigh's daughter ketuk pintu nk main dgn mt girls. Me bg dia masuk la. Biar dia main kejap. Sambil2 tu me jenguk kat akak rinnchan punye fotopage. Nengok2 recipe yg me bleh guna pakai. Finish do list of things to buy, me sms my dearest friend Mel. Mana tau kot2 dia nk ikut ke. At least somebody bleh drive me n help me. U all know what...last time i went to shops groceries wit my 2 girls, panas hati me dgn diorang. Sorang nk tu, sorang nk ni. Penin.

Lucky me he called me back n say yes. We went to Kedai Bagus kat tmn melawati. Semua ada kat situ. Apa nk, semua ada tp me tak lama kat situ coz still a lot of things to buy. Then we went to Giant Batu Caves to shops some things n Mel just follow us around. Sian dia jadi pak supir cum bodyguard cum balaci me hari ni. Pas shops me ajak g foodcourt yg ada tempat main tuh, nk bg my girls main kat situ tp ramai org. But then they excited dh nk pegi main, i let K pegi. K plak kalu ramai sgt org dia lak jd pemalu. Mula asyik manggil me. T plak nk main mcm la dia tu org besar. Ni tak bleh jadi ni. Takut jadi mcm peristiwa kat KLCC park where T jatuh dr tempat main tuh. Nti la me ceita one day. K plak ngadu ramai org tolak dia. Well, this is not a suitable palce for u la K. Me ajak diorang pegi Mcd la. A bit small playground. Better for K & T.

Coming out from foodocurt Mel tgh borak dgn 1 chinese man selling perfume. Ended up Mel beli 2. 1 for him and 1 for me. Dia percaya sgt kat that guy this is a bisex perfume. We then move to NSK kat Wmaju to buy bekas2 for my cupcakes & biskut utk raya. K plak dh boring rasanya, dia mcm merajuk. Mel ask me ke mana arah lagi? Me tot, ok la we go jln2 la. We just drove along MRR2 until we reached bkt jalil n u there pack of cars which me think they all went to c MU played against Mesia's team.

We drove until Putrajaya n went around coz Mel tak tahu jln (tu la sombong...kata tau jalan). We actually want to go to Dataran Putrajaya kat sebelah masjid tu kan. Ada fountain kat situ kan. Ended up we went few round thru Alamanda until finaly i take charge of the road. Hihi....reached there dh dekat kul 8. Cepatnye masa berlalu.

Me lepaskan my girls kat situ. K so excited n T pun apa lagi bila nengok her sis running around. But when we went near to the fountain, there is a lot of lubang2 mcm suppose to be fill up with water kan. Ada yg ada, ada yg takde. Heran me but i tot maybe takut budak2 jatuh kat dlm tu kot.

Ramai gak bwk anak2 ke sana. Ada yg siap bwk walker n let their babies walk there. Bagus gak idea tusss..Mcm2 kan tp for me, tak suka la babies berembun. Me mean below 1yr old la. Ada gak yg bwk bicycle. Cycling around the fountain n lastly yg bwk aweks lepak2 sana.

While my girls r playing, Mel plak sempat checking on a few chicks. Tetiba debushhhh....T dh dlm lubang tuh...Aduih sian nye...Dah la tak bwk baju extra coz this trip is unplan. Lantak la T. Ibunda bwk pampers je. After that we decide to go back la.

All the way home, K tak henti2 bercakap sampai la 1 tahap she falls assleep at the back seat. T plak apa lagi. Bila dh gantung tu, lelap la mata. Maybe letih sgt tuh kot. Reached home around 10.30pm, change their baju n put them to sleep. For Mel, after dropping us n send my things up(sian my dear Mel tercungap2 naik turun tkt 4 2x) he went off.

Baking time, me tot nk buat cup cake but if cup cake, amik masa la. Now its late already. Penat n letih. Tiring coz the trip wit my girls. Nvm la. Just do 1 big cake n tomolo me do the topping la. Jadi ke tak jadi ke lantak la.

Hehe...me update tomolo for the result.....